refusetofight | For @messageforyou

The lesson Lyra chooses to take from this is that bullying grown men is a good thing that she should do more often, as long as it's for their own good.

She doesn't know if this will make all the sad go away from Pat. Probably not. Sadness seems to stick harder to grownups than it does to kids, who shake it off so easy. But maybe it'll make the sad less sticky.

Lyra tips her head to look at Patroclus' face, squeezing his hand again. She doesn't speak, not wanting to pull away Achilles' attention or remind the grownups that she's here. Grownups can be weird about talking about these things in front of kids sometimes. But she also wants to see Patroclus' expression, see if he really believes what Achilles is saying.

He said his plan was to be content if Achilles said he loved him. But Lyra wonders if he can follow through.

There’s a wet shimmer at the edge of Patroclus’ eyes. The certainty in Achilles’ voice cuts through the nagging worry that’s plagued him for so long. It pierces through the calloused sadness to something tender.

And Lyra’s hand is still warm and caring in his.

“I love you,” Achilles says. His tone carries the same steady conviction as it did when he declared that he would become the greatest of the Greeks, that he would secure a victory at Troy. It’s a hero’s firm statement.

“I believe you,” Pat finally replies, his voice still tight. But it’s the truth, judging by the soft openness of his face. Some of his sadness has been replaced with hope. “I’m sorry I had to ask. Forgive me for doubting you.”

Achilles dips his head to give Patroclus a short but tender kiss. “I’m sorry I gave you reason to doubt me. I will do better—you have my word.”

“Yes, well … you have a witness.” Patroclus glances past Achilles to his daughter. “I trust she’ll hold you to your word.”

Yes, good, this has gone well. Lyra should interfere in people’s love lives more often. She smiles as she’s acknowledged, giving a cheerful wave.

“I’m witness!” she confirms with a chirp. “And I’m really good at making judgmental faces when people do dumb things. Just ask my brothers.”

She has the impression of missing context—of course she is, there’s no Hermes here to tell her about his own view on the whole thing, if he’s got an opinion at all—but she’s pretty sure she’s done something good here. Patroclus doesn’t seem so sad anymore. Which has to be a good thing.

Achilles spies Lyra’s hand in Pat’s and also wonders if he’s missing something here. Namely, what else were the two talking about before he arrived? His daughter obviously has Hermes’ way with people. He’ll ask Patroclus for the details later.

Pat claps a hand on Achilles’ arm and says, “Good. I love your father dearly, but he can be a fool sometimes.”

“Pat,” Achilles chides in mock exasperation. “I’ve only just met her. Give me a fighting chance to make a good impression.”

He does wish his daughter wasn’t caught in the middle of his messy love life. That would have been nice, but she also doesn’t seem visibly bothered by it. She’s a child of Hermes, though. She’s either very unbothered, or already practiced at seeming that way.

Were Lyra older and a little more familiar with the ins and outs of love and its complications, and were she more familiar with Hermes, it probably would bother her more to sit in the awkward space of her father's tangled love life, weighing Patroclus' happiness against Hermes'. It would be easier for her to understand that it may never be possible for Patroclus to be wholly happy when Hermes is in the picture, and Hermes' happiness may inherently cost some of Patroclus'. Interfering in that would be hard for her, if she had a chance to understand adulthood love and knew Hermes well enough to see how fragile his bird heart beats his breast.

But she's not. She's a child, still understanding romance only in theory, and her divine father and the thoughts behind his eyes are still strange and unknown to her. She doesn't know how Patroclus' happiness may come at the cost of Hermes', or vice versa. She just knows that she saw a problem, and now it seems that she's fixed it, and she's quite pleased with herself. Maybe one day she'll look back on this with more discomfort.

"It's okay. You've already made a good impression." She stretches, perfectly relaxed with her head in Pat's lap, and wraps an arm around Méli to snuggle into her fur. "Hermes said good morning to me as a cat. He's a very cute cat with a cute purr. Does he always like to be animals so much?"

Achilles keeps one hand at Patroclus’ shoulders while the other combs through Lyra’s wild hair. He still can’t believe he’s blessed with this strange little family. Lyra, Hermes, Pat. Maybe it’s hubris, but he feels like he has a good chance at keeping this all in a happy balance.

“It’s much easier to visit you as an animal than as a god.” Achilles side-steps the question; he’s not about to reveal Hermes’ lingering anxieties around fatherhood, or how animal shapes are a balm for that.

It warms Achilles to know that Hermes took the time to visit her, though. “Remember how terrified your foster mother was to see him?”

Patroclus is quiet at the shift in subject. He puts his focus on Méli, doing his best to combat the twinge of jealousy by remembering Hermes’ kindness and Achilles’ hand warm and solid against his back.

"Hmm. That's a good point." And she supposes that her family would know who he was even if he only came as a man. And if he was a strange woman coming to their home, that'd be scary in a different way. "A cat is a lot less scary than a god."

It doesn't occur to Lyra that even the mention of Hermes may hurt Pat, convinced as she is that the primary trouble is his relationship with Achilles and that seems mostly settled now. Instead, she takes his change in mood for feeling left out, so she looks up to him to say, "Eu-Eu--that's my foster mother, Eu-Eu--she found us yesterday, and she was very scared that I'd gotten into terrible trouble because she couldn't imagine why else I'd be with a shade and a god. She was very silly about it and bowed on the ground and stuff, and Hermes and Achilles had to be very nice to her so she wouldn't be so scared."

There. Now Pat's in the loop.

"My foster dad didn't believe that we really met a shade and a god. Not until we dug up gold in the field like Hermes said we would. Then he insisted we sacrifice something to Hermes so he could say sorry for doubting him, even though we already sacrificed our goat and only had a chicken left. I hope he liked the chicken."

But that's alright that they sacrificed their last chicken to her foster parents' piety. With the gold, Lyra isn't afraid of her family ever going hungry again.

Patroclus nods at Lyra’s explanation, charmed by how eager she is to tell a funny story about the adults in her life. It’s further consolation that Hermes bestowed riches upon her foster parents—Pat assumed that most gods wouldn’t bother with their children, much less show gratitude to the mortals who are kind enough to care for them.

“I don’t blame them for their fear and doubt. It’s not often mortals encounter gods, and those meetings are not always pleasant,” Pat says, thinking of his own experiences with Thetis and Apollo.

Achilles nods. He hopes Lyra’s foster parents aren’t forever intimidated by Hermes’ attention. He can easily imagine them enjoying their reward, but wondering when the other shoe will drop.

“I’m sure he was grateful for the chicken, but Hermes really enjoys sweets.” Even with all their new riches, maybe get them to sacrifice something a little less valuable?

"He likes sweets?" Ah, a god of taste. Lyra nods thoughtfully. "I'll try to talk them into sacrificing sweets to him instead. But they might think it's insulting."

After all, a little bit of honey or sesame candy is much less valuable than a chicken or goat, and now that they know they have the attention of gods, they'll be scared of seeming impious.

"I tried telling them that Hermes is very nice and I don't think he'd mind that my foster father didn't believe us when we said what happened at first, but they say better to be safe than sorry." Lyra gives an exaggerated shrug and a shake of the head, almost as if she were the adult marveling at their paranoid foolishness. "They're being silly 'cuz they're scared. Maybe they won't be so scared once they see no one's turning them into a frog for not sacrificing enough."

Oh, turning into a frog. There's an idea. Maybe Lyra should ask Hermes to turn her into a frog after he turns her into a snake.

Achilles knows Hermes doesn’t seek to be feared, but he also isn’t sure if Hermes wants mortals to know he’s one of the kinder gods (at least, to those who deserve kindness). Maybe best to let her foster parents do what they will to feel comfortable, so long as it doesn’t cause them harm. Lyra is right: time will pass, and they’ll find themselves unscathed.

Their foster daughter will probably be off to Medea’s care before long, anyway.

“Today I spoke with someone who might take you on as a pupil,” Achilles says carefully and tucks a golden curl neatly behind her ear. “Now that your family is cared for, do you feel ready to leave them for a time?”

Patroclus’ mouth twitches and his fingers fiddle with one of Méli’s paws. Achilles divulged that particular plan, and Pat already voiced his concerns. The talk must have went well (at least by Achilles’ estimation) or he wouldn’t have brought it up.

Lyra blinks in surprise, distracted from fantasies of being a frog. “Already?”

That was fast. But maybe these things just go quickly—you learn you have famous divine dads one day, then the next you’re whisked away to be taught by a stranger.

She frowns in consideration. “When would I have to go?” She considers more for a beat. “And what will I learn?”

If her dads send her away from her family just to learn how to weave, she might cry from boredom. That seems to be what most demigod girls do in the stories.

“A few days yet, once Hermes and I have agreed on her suitability.” Achilles gives his daughter a reassuring smile. This is moving fast, but rumors of divine offspring also move fast; the sooner she’s in Medea’s care, the safer she’ll be. “We won’t send you off to someone who doesn’t have our absolute confidence.”

He runs a thumb along her hairline. “If we proceed, you’ll learn a great deal more than most mortal women. Perhaps more than I ever did.”

Witchcraft, Patroclus thinks, but he holds his tongue and works some dirt from between Méli’s blunt claws. He wonders if Apollo has taken Achilles’ wits—why else would he have decided Medea is a worthy guardian for his child?

Achilles was forthcoming about Medea, but carefully withheld the fact that Apollo made the suggestion. Pat would truly be livid.

Her suitability? Lyra perks at the thought. She hadn't thought there were many women out there who could teach her more than Achilles knew. Unless they're talking about a goddess? Or a hero?

Interest piqued, Lyra leans her head into Achilles' touch and considers. Yes, she does want to go off and learn new things with a mysterious lady teacher, but the thought of leaving her family gives her a little pang in her heart. How strange. In all her dreams of adventure and exploring, she had never considered how sad she might be to leave what she already loves behind.

"After you and Hermes decide, may I have a week with my foster family before I go? There's lots of people in the town to say goodbye to." Lots of fishermen who only come in a few times a week, lots of merchants who come in and out, lots of familiar trees and hills and roads to bid farewell. Lyra wants to make sure she doesn't forget anyone, because even if she can write letters to them one day, they'll only be able to respond if the messenger can read the letters to them and write what they dictate.

"And... how will we stay in touch?" She takes Achilles' hand in hers, squeezing with a frown. "Will the teacher be far enough away that I can't walk back here? Will Hermes bring me back sometimes? Or write letters with me to bring to you?"

She's only just met her mortal father. She doesn't want to leave him so quick, nor does she want to leave Patroclus. Patroclus who seems suspiciously quiet about this subject.

“Of course, my dear.” How many people in Phthia did Achilles never say good-bye to before he left for Troy? Teachers, servants, shepherds. They weren’t heroes or gods, but they were as much a part of his home as the solid walls of the palace.

If the Fates are kind, Lyra’s farewells won’t be final; she’ll have her homecoming one day, if she so chooses.

“You’ll be much further away, but we’ll keep correspondence.” Achilles tips his head to Patroclus. “You’ll write her as well? Seems you’ve become fast friends.”

Pat blinks in surprise. “Yes, I’d like that. Though I’m out of practice. My penmanship might be worse than Achilles’.”

“Unlikely.” Achilles huffs a laugh and finally removes his hand from Pat’s shoulder so he can clasp Lyra’s hand between both of his. “There are ways to summon me to your side. I’ll make sure you learn them.”

Lyra relaxes to have her request granted--she would have been terribly sad not to have enough time to say goodbye to everyone and everything she's ever known.

She perks further at the thought that she could exchange letters with Patroclus, too. It's not the same as being able to lounge together in Elysium, but she wouldn't have been able to do that very much anyway. At least, not without risking making Hades mad for real.

"I've never written a letter in my life, so my writing must be much worse."

She stares up at her father with wide eyes as he promises her the power to summon him. The idea is deeply comforting, to think that she might be able to still see and get to know her father so far away. It seems like it ought to be impossible, but Lyra, nestled in the heart of Elysium with the shades of dead heroes and a dog, sees nothing as impossible. "I'd be able to see you whenever? Could I summon Pat sometimes too?"

“Often enough. I still have my duties here, and you’ll be plenty busy with your lessons. But if I happen to be busy, Patroclus can visit in my stead, hm?” He elbows Pat with an encouraging smile. “A chat with Lyra and a glimpse of the surface would be refreshing, wouldn’t it?”

Patroclus bobs his head. It feels good to be included—he was worried Lyra might pull Achilles further away and leave him even more isolated. A bit more of Pat’s apprehension evaporates … and maybe a smidge of his lingering resentment and jealously.

“Yes … the occasional visit would be lovely. Especially if the invitation extends to Méli,” he agrees, scratching Méli’s ears until her lips draw back in a doggy smile. “I wonder … can a dog be summoned the same way?”

“If anyone can figure it out, it’s this clever little fledgling,” Achilles says proudly, gently squeezing Lyra’s tiny hand.

Lyra beams as she's praised by her father. Yes, she really likes that name for her. And she really likes that Achilles showers her with praise, attention, and affection.

"I'll figure it out," Lyra says, grinning at Méli. "I want to say hi to Méli too. And I won't even have to wait for Anthesteria to see you, then. I can tell you all about all the things I'm learning and the adventures I have and the friends I make."

Maybe it's youth, or maybe it's just semi-divine confidence, but Lyra is absolutely certain that Achilles and Pat would like to hear all about her life and the things she experiences. There's not a hint of self-consciousness to how she says it, not a hint of insecurity despite only having known them three days.

"Do you think my teacher will let me have a dog? Or a kitty? A kitty that isn't Hermes, that is." Not that Lyra objects to her kitty cat dad, but she doesn't think he'll have the time to let her carry him around as a beloved companion all day.

Patroclus notes how eagerly Achilles takes to fatherhood; he’s already so very like Peleus, with eyes full of pride and a smile deeply creased with fondness. Pat exhales and relaxes his weight against Achilles, visibly content. Yes, this is exactly what they missed in life: hope for the future.

And that means Achilles and Pat both want to hear every little detail about Lyra’s life; she’s living a better one on their behalf.

As much as Pat is biased, he props his chin on Achilles’ shoulder and says, “A cat will be less distracting—mostly.”

Achilles can’t really imagine an animal in Medea’s chambers—at least, not one that isn’t slowly bleeding to death. She doesn’t strike him as the sort to tolerate the chaos that a pet would bring to her home.

“Your teacher will have her hands plenty full with one new creature scampering about.” Achilles gives Lyra’s neck a teasing tickle. “Wait a few months before you ask, and if she denies your request, I’ll have a word.”

Lyra giggles, wrinkling her noise as she squirms away from her father's tickling fingers. She holds out her hands and grabs his arm, pulling it in to give a big affectionate hug like it's a stuffed animal.

"I'll be good. I'll convince her I'll be extra good with a kitty. Or a dog."

Lyra knows grownups well, and she knows that they can often be negotiated with. Rewards come to kids who promise to do extra chores and follow through in exchange for what they want.

"Is the teacher nice? I hope she's nice. Is she nice?" Lyra would like a nice teacher. It's easier to deal with nice grownups. And if she has a teacher, she hopes that the teacher likes her.

Achilles easily uses her grip on his arm to haul her into his lap. There’s no time to waste when it comes to showing affection. He’s already acutely aware that she won’t be this small for very long, nor will she always be so close.

“Nice isn’t the word I would use,” Achilles hums, carefully ignoring the skeptical side-eye he can feel Pat giving him. “She strikes me as fair, I suppose, so long as you listen and show her respect.”

Which, honestly, is probably a better teacher for someone like Lyra. If a teacher is too nice, a child so headstrong and clever might not heed them.

Achilles idly smooths out a wrinkle in Lyra’s tunic, as if that would make the threadbare garment more presentable. “She might not want to share her knowledge with someone who doesn’t seem to appreciate it.”

Lyra squeals in delight as she’s hauled into Achilles’ lap, clinging to his arm like a monkey before throwing her arms around his neck, swaying in his lap as if she needs to move to express the intensity of her cheer.

“I’ll appreciate it! I’ll be good! Promise!” She’ll be the BEST student ever! She’ll learn all the things and the teacher will like her very much and she’ll tell her fathers and uncle all about it, and it’ll be so fun. “And you’ll see how nice my letters get. I’ll show you. I’ll practice extra hard so one day I can write down all the stories of my adventures and I can tell you all about them.”

In the back of Achilles’ head, there’s Hermes’ voice, murmuring, Sorry, love, just finished off the backlog for Hades. Are you still free to chat about Medea?

“Good.” Achilles kisses the crown of her head. It pleases him to know she plans to write her own story—not to leave it up to the bards to interpret. They only know how to write songs about beautiful or wicked women. Not women who travel the world on adventures. “I want you to write every last detail.”

He goes quiet at the sound of Hermes’ voice at the edge of his consciousness I’m with Lyra and Patroclus in Elysium. Would you join us? He pauses as he recalls Pat and Hermes’ last meeting, then adds, I think Pat will not be so difficult today, and if we need to speak alone, he can keep Lyra occupied.

“Don’t make the poor girl spend her whole life at a scribe’s desk,” Pat chides. “If she’s anything like you—or her other father—sitting still will be torture.”

"I won't sit at a scribe's desk! I'll figure out how to walk and write at the same time! I'll be very good at it!" Lyra protests cheerfully, still rocking side to side as she imagines more and more fantastical things for her future self.

There's a hint of reticence in Hermes' side of the connection. Are you sure? I don't want to have a fight in front of her.

What Hermes doesn't say is that he's still sore about the other day, and he really doesn't want to see what happens if Patroclus uses his new advantage of knowledge on him to dig in a dagger where it really would hurt. Hermes has enough on his mind without walking on eggshells around Pat, and balancing that with his anxiety around his daughter.

“Learn your letters well before you go trying to walk and write,” Patroclus warns. “Or no one will be able to read a word of your stories. Not even your father and me.”

While Pat and Lyra talk, Achilles continues to reassure Hermes: I’m sure. I think some of his worries have been put to rest. And Patroclus wouldn’t pick a fight in font of Lyra. Achilles understands Hermes’ concern, but he also knows Pat well enough that he wouldn’t argue with a father in front of his child. But if you’d rather not risk it, I’ll step away and meet you elsewhere.

“Something the matter?” Pat asks softly, noting Achilles’ distant look.

“No, but I’ll need to speak with Hermes before long.” Achilles watches Pat’s face carefully for any sign of pain or resentment. For the first time, he doesn’t find any. “We need to discuss the matter of this tutor.”

“Mm. Yes. Best to get that sorted.” Pat gives Achilles a kiss on the cheek, then shoots Lyra a warm smile like a doting uncle. “Your daughter’s already excited to get started on her future.“

?? Hermes' side of the connection is just a confused noise for a moment. How can Achilles be so sure? He remembers how messy the other day was, right? Wasn't he the one who suggested that Hermes and Patroclus avoid each other for a while?

He considers a moment, tempted by the chance to maybe take baby steps towards reconciling, but... I don't want to gamble in front of Lyra.

Hermes is working through his feelings about fatherhood, but he knows he doesn't want her stuck witnessing drama with her fathers' love life. Especially with how ugly it's gotten in the past, and how perceptive she is even without things being ugly.

"Yes, when will you be able to talk to him?" Lyra grins, smooshing her face against Achilles' shoulder. "Is there a way to call him? Or does he just come when he wants?"

The idea of her divine father just flitting in and out on a whim seems consistent with her understanding of gods. She hopes that she doesn't have to wait terribly long to see him again. He's not as approachable as her mortal father, but she still wants to know him.

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